Back to Black
I was 6 weeks pregnant yesterday. I knew a roughly a week and a half ago. I got excited. My 1st born is 8 yrs old now was the first to know. He would randomly reach for my belly and kiss it and I confirmed it through an EPT and blood work. But days passed and something felt wrong. I exhausted every possibly resources I can get just to make sure my unborn child was safe. Until 4 days ago, they found out I had an ectopic pregnancy. I was in denial and found a 2nd opinion 3 hours away from home. Then I saw, it was gone. So I had to go to the ER yesterday to take the Methotrexate to get rid of the remaining tissues. I’m devastated. I knew him/her for just over a week and I love him/her that I wonder how do you ever say goodbye to this. I randomly thought how it isn’t fair how other people don’t want it, have it but get rid of it and myself who wanted it can barely keep it. My first born was a high risked pregnancy. None of my doctors were optimistic about it and tried to persuade me on terminating it 3x because of possible birth defects but he turns out to be perfect. I had high hopes this lil one would but, since ectopic or not, God had taken it back home, I have no fight left but to accept it. And so I continue to pray…
I need a miracle. I woke up around 5:30 AM, getting ready before I get picked up for the car service provided for me. I was scheduled that day to do an evaluation on a pain clinic in San Mateo. I said my morning prayer again as I enter the first room. I was seen, interviewed and informed and hours passed I found myself sitting on the waiting area while they, the specialists deliberated my case. A tapped on the shoulder woke me up and guided me to the conference room. There, my heart broke. My RSD had spread to my other leg and left shoulder. Also that I have Major Depression. I felt lost. What I thought all along was wrong. Now I face with a big decision, to leave school for a while and attend the pain management program since they wanted me to do it as soon as possible, or to wait until the semester is over. I’m lost. Help?
Steve Sokol Walk/Run for RSD/CRPS
Just a little reminder for anyone free on Oct 13, 2012. A walk for a cause to spread awareness for CRPS/RSD will be held at Los Gatos. Just click on the link below to register. Thank you!
“do you have to let it linger?… you know I’m such a fool for you.”
2nd Annual Steve Sokol Run/Walk - Saturday, October 13, 2012
Please support to help promote awareness and possibly find cure against RSD/CRPS
Since listening to Klove about 4 months now, it has slowly change my outlook in life. Being diagnosed with RSD/CRPS and living with it everyday without a day off from pain is devastating to me. If I was angry before, I’ve been furious and a lot difficult to live with since. Although I try to disguise my pain, anger, frustrations with family members and friends, sometimes I wish I don’t have to and just let it all hang out so they’ll have an idea of what I have been going through for the past 9 months now. I needed something, someone, anything, anyone to comfort me since I felt like I have been dealing with it all alone. And it should be find since I have the tendency to shut down and vanish in thin air but I wish they could have been more proactive with supporting me winning my battles. And I feel support and comfort through listening to Klove and God’s words manifested through music. I feel like it has answers to every emotion I have and it helps me carry through. I still would love my family to give a damn about me but I am for now content with listening to music that encourages and inspires me. Although I live in pain everyday, I am in a way thankful that God gave me life and experience life even with all the pain, drama, depression, all that! I pray it will make me even stronger than before. Heheh
just something silly to pass the time…
argh gigutom ko!
lmaooooooooooo. free tacos………….. yesterday.
(Source: snuh, via digital-thoughtz)
When you accidentally make something rhyme…..
(Source: nostalgiaultrauhl, via digital-thoughtz)
I was diagnosed with Complex Regional Pain Syndrome or Reflex Sympathetic Dystrophy and Osteochondritis Dissecans after an ankle sprain gone awry. I don't know much about this disease either, so I guess to whoever this does concern and to those chosen few who are curious as I am that we learn together as much as we can and spread awareness to this disease. Who knows, and for sure I don't in any way wish this to happen to anyone, this might come handy one day.